![]() My mom was a Bella and my entire life she's been telling me over and over again how important it is that I become one. Remember me? Anyway, I'd love to become a Bella. The BELLAS are DICKING AROUND NOT DOING ANYTHING when HAILEE STEINFELD suddenly shows up at their door. Anyone else?Ĭhristmas.mashups? By god! It's brilliant! One Christmas song in isolation is pure torture but TWO played simultaneously?! Anna, I shall reward you by giving you exactly one chance to impress me with your music. Please go murder your entire family so that the genes that spawned you cannot be passed on. Start vomiting ideas so that I may mock you. Snoop Dogg or Snoop Lion or Snoop Tapeworm or whatever he's calling himself these days is coming to our studio to record a Christmas album and I need you all to 1) worship the ground he walks on, and 2) figure out how to make a Christmas album remotely listenable. ![]() Obstacles are hard to write.ĪNNA sits on her first meeting with the rest of the HIPSTERS and their BOSS, KEEGAN-MICHAEL KEY.Īlright you skinny jeans-wearing, frappacino-chugging, music-pirating Millenial sacks of Adderall and Tweets. I sure am lucky to have such a wonderful boyfriend who's relationship with me will be challenged in absolutely no way for this entire film. Wait, didn't this exact scene happen pretty much verbatim in the last movie on your first day of school?Įw. Ugh, but Skylar, I just don't know if I'm going to fit in and. While the BELLAS are working on their DUMB COLLEGE CLUB, ANNA is out GETTING A JOB like a RESPONSIBLE YOUNG ADULT.Īlright Anna, have fun at your first day at work! ![]() I mean, Aye Dios Mio! Where is that skinny gringo? Tacos! Sure, we've spent our college years kicking America's a-ca ass but now it's time we took over the WORLD! That's right! We're going to the INTERNATIONAL A-CAPELLA CHAMPIONSHIPS WHICH ARE TOTALLY A THING! USA! USA!Įveryone stares at CHRISSIE, tapping their feet. I'm pretty sure we can get a record deal, or at least a spot on The Voice. We just played for the fucking President. We're doomed because of you.Īre we? We've spent the past three years dominating the American music industry. ![]() I am hilarious and therefore blameless.Ĭan it, Rebel. Taking responsibility for your fuckups is for skinny folk. Yeah, why the hell do we keep Rebel around? She's an okay singer, she barely dances, she's stupid, and she's kind of a bitch. The BELLAS meet up to PLAN their REDEMPTION ARC.Īlright, you a-ca fucktards, thanks to Rebel's fat incompetence, we've officially ruined our lives. The Bellas retreat in SHAME, having EMBARRASSED THEMSELVES during an IMPORTANT PERFORMANCE, just like at the start of the FIRST MOVIE. The spandex just couldn't endure her! Women can't do anything right! Whoops, it seems like Rebel Wilson has accidentally exposed her vagina! How utterly believable that the most powerful man in the world would spend his special day watching a bunch of bitchy white girls shriek out some Miley Cyrus. Well, the Bellas have been tearing up every a-ca championship in the United States since the last movie, so now they're playing at the Kennedy Center for President Obama on his birthday! The BELLAS do some shitty VOCAL MASHUPS because WRITING ORIGINAL SONGS IS HARD. ![]() Fat people are hilarious! So hilarious we're going to make a joke about her weight every single time she appears on screen! Women made this movie so that makes it okay! Oh look! The Bellas are back! There's Anna Kendrick, that girl who no one can decide if she's hot or "not hot but I'd still totally do her!" Man, listen to that tinny voice sing!Īnd there's Rebel Wilson, being all fat again. Anyway, I'm a sexist asshole who's shittiness is so stupid it's hilarious! My my, Elizabeth, I'd love to take you back into whatever kitchen you escaped from and give you 75% of what a man makes, if you need know what I mean. Hello, a-ca freaks! Welcome to the remake of that Anna Kendrick movie with the Cup song! JOHN MICHAEL HIGGINS and ELIZABETH BANKS are back as ANNOUNCERS who comment over LIVE VOCAL PERFORMANCES so all their LISTENERS can't hear the SHOW! ![]()
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